GRIEF and Bereavement with Ascend Hospice & Palliative Care

Article by Corinn Ayers

Debra Carter

Grief looks different for everyone, and at Ascend Hospice & Palliative Care, helping families work through that experience is a central part of the care they provide. The Bereavement Team led by Debra Carter has been with Ascend for nearly four years and brings a background in chaplaincy, women’s ministry, and years of leading faith-based emotional intelligence workshops. Her interest in supporting people came long before hospice work, but chaplaincy training showed her how meaningful it can be to sit with families during some of the hardest moments in life. “You have to have a calling to help people go from this life to the next,” she said, “I have always felt called to be there to offer grace, dignity, education and the presence of listening.”
Many families are surprised to learn that they receive bereavement services at no cost for 12 months after a loved one passes. Carter said people often don’t realize how much support is available. She explained that the team’s goal is to offer compassionate guidance and help families understand that their grief is normal. “A lot of people thank us for ‘permission’ to grieve,” she said. “We want to affirm that.”
Throughout the year, families receive grief literature that explains what they may experience at different stages, including common psychological, physical, and behavioral symptoms. Ascend offers in-person visits, which families can accept or decline. Along with visits, the team stays in touch through phone calls and virtual meetings. Carter said these check-ins focus on how families are coping, what has changed in their lives, and what support they may need. The team also helps people think about their support systems by talking through who they have in their inner, middle, and outer circles. She said many people pull away from others when they’re grieving, and the team encourages them to stay connected.
Carter sees grief as something families continue to carry, not something that ends when the 12 months are over. “You will always be grieving that loss,” she said. “It’s learning how to grieve for the rest of your life.” She added that by the end of the year, many families are used to hearing from the bereavement staff, so she makes sure they feel ready when the program ends.

Ascend offers several support groups, which Carter said make a noticeable difference for people who want to talk with others going through similar situations. These include women’s and men’s spousal loss groups, a parental loss group, open monthly grief groups, a virtual option, and an additional open group during the holidays. The men’s group is newer and fills a need the team noticed in the community. Ascend’s bereavement team has five members total, with staff in the Northland, Lee’s Summit, Overland Park, Lawrence, and Topeka offices”.

Support also begins before a loss occurs. The team provides pre-bereavement help when a patient is still living but the family is struggling with anticipatory grief. Meeting families early allows them to build trust and also gives the team a chance to talk through simple self-care steps. “From personal experience, I know you can neglect yourself when going through hard times,” Carter said. She often reminds families to eat regular meals, get enough sleep, and pay attention to the small things that can easily fall aside. She said her team keeps reaching out even if someone doesn’t respond right away. “We stay consistent.”

Each October, Ascend hosts a Celebration of Life event so families can honor their loved ones. The gathering includes a Tree of Life ceremony and gives families a chance to come together with others who have been through similar losses. Carter also noted that the bereavement team takes part in ongoing training to stay informed on the latest information about grief, including developments related to Prolonged Grief Disorder.
When asked what she tells someone who is having a hard time after losing a loved one, Carter said she wants people to know that what they feel is understandable and that there is no set timeline for grief. More than anything, she hopes families realize they do not have to go through it without support.

For more information on Ascend Hospice & Palliative Care and their services please call 913-287-5678 or visit https://ascendhealth.com/hospice-care/